Ask the Pastoral Guidance & Motivation Expert

“Five Things your Kids Need”

1. Words:

I’m a huge believer that we should be our kids’ biggest fans and cheerleaders. Our homes need to be the place that our kids feel the greatest! There is no possible way that anyone on planet Earth will ever be a bigger encourager to Caleb Matthew Maddix than I will! I’m determined to speak words of life, hope, and faith over my son. I’ve experienced such positive results in the behavior of my boy whenever I speak encouraging and positive words in his presence. He knows that his dad is his number one fan!

2. Time:

Our kids need our TIME more than anything on earth. There is no home big enough, no jet ski fast enough, no car nice enough, no Xbox cool enough, and no amount of money that can replace TIME with our kids. They need us, and they need ALL of us. The average dad only spends 17 minutes a day with his kids, and most of that isn’t even quality time. These dads love their kids, and they want to give them everything, but “everything” isn’t what kids want: they want YOU and your time. We should make it a practice to play with our kids doing what THEY want to do. We should make it a priority to take family walks and enjoy family meals without cell phones, the TV, or distractions.

3. Attention:

Have you ever observed a child desperately seeking their parents’ attention? It’s heartbreaking to watch, and even more heartbreaking when the parents aren’t sensitive to their kids’ need for their attention. I’ve watched Caleb’s self-esteem sky rocket whenever I give him my undivided attention when we are together, and when I listen only to him when he is speaking to me. Parents, you need to get your head out of the sky and give your kids the attention they so deserve!

4. Affection:

Are you aware that the average child needs 8 meaningful touches a day? We need to shower our kids with physical affection. I always make it a practice to touch Caleb on the arm whenever he is speaking to me. I give him a huge hug before and after school! Our kids need to feel comfortable in our laps and in our arms. They should never have to deal with the psychological affects of living in a void of affection from their parents!

5. Peace:

Kids need peaceful environments and homes. Our kids should never see us lose control and raise our voices. I can proudly say in that in 8 years of Caleb’s life, he has never experienced me “YELLING” at him or raising my voice. It’s unnecessary and very ineffective to scream at our kids. I believe that rules without relationship lead to rebellion. Most kids are “rebellious” because they are attention-starved by their parents; they need their parents to provide a home full of peace. You are the scum of the earth if you ever harm your child physically or make them feel anything less than peace when they are in your presence.

Please take this advice to heart and allow it to remind you to speak life over your kids, to shower them with affection, to spend quality time with them and to give them a home full of peace. I believe in you and pray that you’ll be the best parent you possibly can be for the health and future of your kids.

 

 

October 2011 Article

“How to have a Really Good Conversation”

Picked up Caleb from Baseball Camp today and asked him the typical, “How did it go bubba?” Of course his answer was, “Awesome! I had fun, Dad!” I’ve learned through the years to be a really good conversationalist, and you bet that I’m going to be really good at having quality conversations with my son Caleb. I’d like to share a few key things about my talk with him today.

Too many people ask boring questions, and that is why some people are hard to connect with. I think every husband and wife will want to thank me after this, because I do believe that using what I’m going to share will help immensely in marriage. It will work in all relationships: ministry, business, soul winning, sales, friendships, or in any setting where communication and connection are necessary. Rather than asking the typical boring questions, learn to ask interesting questions that will generate interesting conversation and help you connect, learn more about the other person, and show them that you are truly interested in what they are saying. Here are the questions that I used on Caleb today that led to an hour long conversation and made him feel like 10 million dollars because his Daddy showed extreme interest in his thoughts and feelings.

1. How was baseball camp today?

2. Tell me one thing Coach said that you liked?

3. Tell me one thing you learned?

4. Who were the 3 most positive kids out there today?

5. How did it make you feel to get Camper of the day?

6. Why do you think you got picked?

7. Who were the 3 most negative kids or who had the worst attitude?

8. Did you have enough to drink?

9. How did you like the lunch I packed?

10. You’d rather have Pizza?

11. What did most of the other kids eat?

12. What kind of pizza?

13. What position did you play?

14. Name the 3 best players out there?

15. You think you were the best? LOL

16. On a scale of 1-10 how would you grade the over all camp?

17. What made you give it a 9?

18. It wasn’t long enough? LOL

19. So was the girl that picked on you as you walked by pretty?

20. Did you get her name?

That conversation led to so many other things, and it got him into the flow. He was talking my ear off after that!

You need to be stop being so dull with your family and friends when you are talking to them. You don’t even want to get me started with the 100’s of “Would You Rather” questions that I have made up. You ask anyone that knows me, and they’ll tell you that I’m the “master question asker.” It’s also the reason why I am able to truly connect so well with people. However, you must also be a really good listener. Not one time in that hour conversation did I check my phone, text, email, or Facebook. The key to really showing someone that you are listening is to, (1) Make really good eye contact, (2) Be alert to key things they say that could lead to other questions, and (3) Repeat back to them what they shared with you. Ok, go!

 

September 2011 Article

“My Time with Caleb”

My time with Caleb is sacred to me. Many times when I travel, people will ask me to stay over for a day and “hang out;” my answer is always the same: “I’d really enjoy that, but I need to get home to that little boy.” I’m very intentional about my role as a father in his life and refuse to allow anything or anyone in my life to sidetrack me from my responsibility of being a daddy. Caleb will be 18 years old in 3,042 days! Yes, I do keep a good count of how many days until he turns 18, I’m not going to attend his 18th Birthday party and be full of regrets. I fully plan on being very intentional about my decisions and actions to ensure that my relationship with that little boy is regret-free. Take into consideration that I split my time with him 50/50 with his mother, and I also travel on a weekly basis. Even with that schedule, I’ve got my travel schedule arranged to make sure that I am rarely ever away from him longer than 3 nights straight.

His mom dropped him off at 5:30 yesterday, and I turned off my cell phone- and kept it off-for over 20 hours so I could give him my full energy and attention. It’s not always easy to do this because I have a very busy schedule – I operate three major ministries and businesses that require about 12 hours a day from me. However, I’ll get up at 4:00 am and work until wee hours of the morning if I have to so that I can spend that extra quality time with him.  I am not perfect and have lots of improvements to make as a daddy, but I’ve made up my mind that he is going to know by my actions that he is the top priority in my life. It’s easy to “talk” about priorities, but it’s much more challenging to live them on a day-to-day basis. I wish every preacher would take an honest evaluation of a statement we often make but rarely live: my priorities are (1) God, (2) Family, and (3) Church Remember, my friends, to prioritize your life in such a way that you will have QUALITY time with your kids. You’ll never get those moments, days, years, or memories back. They are only our kids once, and they grow up faster than you can imagine. God bless you!

If you have any questions, please email maddix@theexperts.ca.